Now a lot of people complain about being in the friendzone, but they shouldn’t. If you stop and think about it, at least you have a friend.
It turns out, more importantly, that unrequited love is also a lot less hassle than requited love. For a start, she (in my case it would be a she), just has to hang around looking pretty and being mildly sarcastic. It’s not a lot of hard work for the other person in an unrequited love affair. In fact, their main job is just to make sure that they don’t develop feelings for you. Okay, so it may be necessary to give you a little false hope now and then, maybe make you think you have a chance. It may be necessary sometimes to push you away so you’re stuck without them for a while, after all everyone knows that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But when all is said and done, this is child’s play compared to a real relationship.
But as the poor sap doing all the chasing, it’s also a damn sight easier. Think about it for a second, you get a relationship where you totally love someone, but you never have any arguments with them. You never get to spend quite enough time with them to shatter that perfect vision in your head. It generally costs less than an actual relationship with them would and you only have to spend time on your imaginary relationship with them when it suits you. (Well, apart from lying awake unable to sleep because they have invaded your head.)
Besides a relationship with them would probably be really hard work, you’d want to be the person you think they’d deserve and that would take far too much effort. Sitting around being the creepy disappointment is clearly a better option. An imaginary potential relationship has got to be better than a really failed one, right?
Thanks to the internet we don’t even need to leave our room to enjoy our permanent residence in the friendzone. We can now spend hours flicking through the other person’s photographs on Facebook or Instagram, living in fear of that day when we accidentally click like on a photo they uploaded seven years ago. We can spend hours refreshing our Twitter feed in case they’ve sent out a tweet, while keeping an eye on our phone just in case it has received a text message and we haven’t noticed yet. Being stuck in the friendzone is a good hobby; it costs less than the gym or photography, although if you want to incorporate photography in your new hobby then you’d better be careful, there’s a fine line between the friendzone and just being a stalker. Being a stalker is not a good look. (On a side note, creepy stalker toys like these and this are probably going to get you into quite a lot of trouble.)
So if you’re stuck deep in the friendzone, stop worrying about it. It could be worse; you could end up in some deep and meaningful relationship with that person. Then everything would just go wrong and you’d end up with a great big mess and one friend less. Now where’s the fun in that?
A toast then, here’s to the friendzone and all who live in it.