So you want to become world champion right? Of course you do. You’re awesome. Who wouldn’t want to become champion of the world! You get to drive fast expensive women cars. That’s pretty cool. So how do you do it? Here’s five top tips to becoming champion of the world.
1) Owning the right kit
First off you have to spend 7 hours picking out the right MMA shorts and getting the latest and greatest Hayabusa fightwear. Who ever heard of a world champion who got there without all the coolest gadgets? Nobody, that’s who. Remember the saying you gotta spend money to make money. Well here it is in action. I’d recommend picking your favourite brand and just buying everything they produce. Look at what your favourite boxers or UFC guys are wearing. Now don’t you want to be just like them?
BONUS PROTIP: Habayusa have falcons and dragons which immediately makes you cool (POPTRIVIA – the protaganist of Ninja Gaiden was Ryu Hayabusa). If you want to go for the bad guy image wear Venum, because snakes are badass.
You can’t be world champion without some tattoos. Get something ferocious like a computer game character. Seriously man, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously without a tat?
3) Talk a lot
Talk about training, talk about fights you might be about to do, you’ve seen all the fighters on T.V. always talking. Lots of people want to hear them talk about being world champion. All your friends want to hear you talk about it too. Don’t worry, they really are interested in how you are going to revolutionise UFC with your jumping spinning back uppercut.
4) Be undefeated
Everyone knows that great fighters like Sugar Ray Robinson, Roberto Durán, Muhammad Ali, Sugar Ray Leonard, Manny Pacquiao, erm… Floyd Mayweather don’t ever lose. Let’s face it you have to be so awesome that you cannot possibly be beaten by another human being on the face of the planet. There’s all this learning in defeat bullcrap. Fuck that, learning is overrated. Just go out there and win all the time, even if you’re not having any proper fights, go find someone at a bar and show them how undefeated you are.
5) The Entrance Song
This is the single most important aspect of your fight. If you have a better song than your opponent does then you will win. THAT IS FACT. You can’t argue against it, your entire fighting career will be mapped out by which songs you choose. This is why you find an entrance song thread on every single combat sport forum with amateur fighters involved. They recognise the need for a great tune. This one, by Faithless, will certainly strike fear into your opponents.
Following these tips and allowing your entire training regime to slip by unnoticed in your own personal montage will ensure that you become world champion! Congratulations, you can now leave this site undefeated. Go get that girl/boy you’ve been dreaming about who will surely swoon into your arms as you whisk her/him off to your luxury pad to show her/him your awesome tattoos. Just make sure to remember what I said about the entrance music.