Meditate Motherfucker

You probably don’t meditate, or if you do meditate you don’t do it properly; you probably listen to some new-age meditation mix tape shit (does anyone else still use tape?). You know the sort of tape I mean, some sort of positive self-affirming crap that tells you how awesome you are, like you don’t already know it. Now repeat after me:

Fuck

That

Shit.

Thinking positive fluffy thoughts is all well and good, but I want to see the world as it really is, warts and all, and still be ok with it. And so, I started meditating like a Zen motherfucker. It’s pretty boring, but it is effective. You can learn to do it here. Although to be honest, it’s actually a stupid thing to do. It’s boring and frustrating, your foot will inevitably go to sleep, you’ll feel like you’re wasting your time, and you look like a crazy person sitting there staring at a wall. Sometimes I’ll procrastinate like a whiny little bitch for a week rather than sit down and meditate. The thing is, run with it for a few weeks and you start feeling pretty damn OK, and that’s all we really need, to feel pretty damn ok.

Something I found randomly in google image searchI used to think of meditation as the sort of thing done by trendy girls who call themselves “Rainbow” and eat the sort of green crap that my food eats. Or that you had to become some grey Church of England type, some timid and passive drip of a person. I don’t have enough cardigans for that. You know what, I reckon I can stand there and call someone a cunt and still be a perfectly passable Zen Buddhist. Maybe not the perfect Zen Buddhist, but hey, little steps.

I’m here more, and somewhere else less. The past may be shit, the future will probably be shit too, but who cares, where I am is where it’s at and where it is, is feeling strangely fine. My mind is clearer; I’m a better person, or at least less of an asshole; I sleep better; sometimes I’m even a compassionate son of a bitch. That to me doesn’t sound like a bad trade-off for spending some time sat on a cushion doing sweet f a.

So meditate like a boss, motherfucker. You know it makes sense.